Good Ole Jokes

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  1. A man was walking downtown on the sidewalk holding a pig.     Another person approaching them stopped and said “ Hey, very good looking”.   Where did you get him?

The Pig said ... " I won him in a Raffle".

  1.  What did the Rug say to the Floor?

Got You Covered

  1. Man wants someone to bury his dog
    This man lost his favorite longtime great companion "Dog" and wanted a very nice burial and ceremony.  He asked several people for some advice on who would be the best person to bury his Dog.  After a couple of days he decided to go to the priest to seek help.  He told the story of Dog to the priest and asked if he could bury his Dog and have a short ceremony.  The priest said he could not bury any animals.   The man asked the priest if he knew of any other people who could help him with a ceremony and burial.  The priest said that maybe the preacher down the road would help him.

The man asked the priest what would be a fair price for someone to bury his Dog and perform a ceremony.  The priest said he had no idea what someone would charge for this special req2uest.  The man said he had only $5,000 and hoped he could get someone to bury & perform a small ceremony for his Dog.

The priest said  "Holy Mary, Mother of Jesus, Joseph, and all the Saints!  I had no idea he was a Catholic.  You should have said that much earlier.  I can definitely help you!"

  1. Mother’s 90th Birthday & 4 Sons Gifts

Mother is planning for celebrating her 90th Birthday.     After her 4 sons had several meetings they finally decided on what special gift each will give their Mother for this very big and special occasion.
First Son gave his Mother a brand new 8 room house
Second Son gave his Mother a new Entertainment Center with a Big Screen
Third Son gave his Mother a new Mercedes Benz auto
Fourth Son said his Mother loved to say her prayers several times during the day or evening and enjoyed reading the Bible. He knew she had some problems in seeing, so he gave her a special trained Parrot that was able to quote scripture from the Bible when Chapter and Verse were said to the Parrot.     He thought this could really help her in her remaining years.

All gifts were given to their Mother on her Big 90th Birthday.     Many other neighbors and friends attended the big celebration.     Everyone had a lot of fun.

The Mother waited a week and decided to send her 4 Sons a Thank You for the gifts each had provided. The Mother wrote the following Thank You cards.

To the First Son -- My Dear Son. Thank You for the new 8 room new House. I really only need 1 room.
It will be so difficult to clean the other 7 rooms.  Thank You Anyway!

To the Second Son -- My Dear Son. Thank You for the new Entertainment  Center with the Big Screen. Since I am mostly Blind and cannot Hear very well, I will not be turning on the Entertainment Center.  Thank You Anyway!

To the Third Son -- My Dear Son. Thank You for the new Mercedes Benz auto. Since I am mostly Blind and do not have a driver license anymore, I will not be driving the new Mercedes Benz. Thank You Anyway!

To the Fourth Son -- My Dearest Son. Thank You for the very special gift.  Last week, I ate the Chicken.     It was very delicious. Thank You So Much!